Posted on April 26, 2004 in Urgent News of the Past
By Brian O'Keefe
Jimmy and Shirley
It so happened that Jimmy Jordan and Shirley Mewer were walking along a dark country road returning from a scavenger hunt. And Jimmy was loaded down with an automobile tire, a bulldog on a string, a rooster and an old brass kettle.
They came to a dark ravine and Shirley said, “I can’t go through there with you, you might try to kiss me.”
“How could I,” replied Jimmy, “with all these things I’m carrying?”
“Well,” said Shirley, “you might tie the dog to the automobile tire and put the rooster under the kettle.”
“Striding into the hubbub of a late history class, Walter Beyer glared at the students and shouted ‘ORDER.’”
“The class to a man answered ‘BEER.’”
“May I print a kiss on your lips?” I asked.
She nodded her sweet permission.
So we went to press, and I rather guess
We printed a large edition.
Here’s to the happy, bounding flea!
You cannot tell a he from a she;
For they both look just alike you see,
But he can tell… and so can she.”
“They say that up to 16 you’re a Boy Scout… and after that you’re a Girl Scout.”
“Late hours are bad for one.”
“Yeh, but swell for two!”
“Is Payson still going around with that grass widow?”
“Naw, she got high the other night and he cut her.”
“What’s all this about Cleaver and Waterhouse?”
“Hot Lips… Why that’s my girl’s neck-name.”
“Thomas sure worships that gal.”
“Yeah, he worships the very ground her father discovered oil on.”
Connellan: “What do you think would go best with my new purple and red golf hose?”
Donna: “Hip boots.”
And one more poem:
I’ve prayed all my life
For a man debonair,
A fellow who’s chuck full
Of charming hot air.
A guy with a profile
As classic as Gable’s
Who covers me over with
Diamonds and sables
But the kind of stag
I invariably bag
Is some penniless, autoless
Brian O’Keefe can be contacted at email@example.com