Nearly every American has either read or at least heard of the book “Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus” by John Gray. Boasting sales of over 15 million copies, this book is a bestseller in 40 different languages.
Lusty consumers scuttle like hungry little Pac Mans to the local Barnes and Noble to devour accessories such as the “Mars and Venus Board Game” and the “Mars and Venus in the Bedroom” video package.
John Gray has made a fortune advocating the supposed inherent differences between men and women.
Last Wednesday in the Woodbury Campus Center, sociology professor Dr. Michael Kimmel, author of “The Gendered Society” and “Manhood in America,” urged his audience to “live the refutation of that book.” He argued in his lecture “Mars, Venus, or Planet Earth” that the commonalities between the sexes far outweigh the supposed differences.
In fact, when questioned what those differences might be, the only disparity Dr. Kimmel would admit to was the amount of violence demonstrated by men and women. Men commit 95 percent of violent crimes. This information may not be surprising to the average individual, but Dr. Kimmel’s claims that women’s and men’s interests are the same might be.
Kimmel states vehemently that “the very things that will improve women’s lives will improve men’s lives.” He begins to support these convictions by presenting his audience with the results of a survey given to 3,000 American women – once in 1970 and again in 2000. The survey was concerning women’s attitudes about their male counterparts. It questioned women’s beliefs about a man’s approach to life.
The results were clear. Whereas in 1970 two-thirds of the women believed men to be kind and considerate, only a little less than half still felt that way in 2000. As a result, Kimmel claims women are less satisfied now with men than they were in 1970.
However, Kimmel does not attribute these changes in overall satisfaction to a change in men’s behavior, but to a change in women’s lives over the past 30 years.
Kimmel points out that since the ’70s, women’s lives have been altered considerably in many areas. Kimmel describes four major areas of change in women’s lives: gender visibility, sexuality, workplace, and balancing family and work.
According to Kimmel, the visibility of gender enabled the latter three. Because society began to identify the constructed roles of men and women, women were able to break free from expectations and expand in many ways. More and more women integrated into the workplace while learning to find balance between family and work.
However, Kimmel said because women have made great strides, their expectations of men have increased and their satisfaction with them has decreased. Unless men redefine masculinity, Kimmel says a balance between the sexes cannot be achieved.
Kimmel said what women really desire is maintaining a career while raising a family and that “what unites men” is a desire for close relationships with their children. He argues that the definition of masculinity to the present day has disallowed for these desires to be realized.
Kimmel utilizes four categories to define masculinity: 1. “No sissy stuff.” 2. “Wealth, power, status.” 3. “Be a sturdy oak.” 4. “Be a daredevil.”
A male is constantly trying to prove his masculinity throughout his lifespan, said Kimmel. Because “sissy stuff” refers to engaging in so-called womanly activities such as household duties and childrearing, men have always just “pitched in” or “helped out,” when what really needs to happen is a “sharing” of those responsibilities, said Kimmel.
Until equality in the household is achieved, men will not enjoy the relationships they desire because “nurturing is a set of practices” that develops through doing the tedious tasks, said Kimmel.
Through history men have also proven their manhood through gain of power/wealth, etc., says Kimmel. With the development of women’s careers, “men feel that gender equality is a loss for us” because it is more and more difficult for the male to be the breadwinner says Kimmel. Violence has also been a negative thread weaving the quilt of masculinity through history.
Kimmel suggests that once men learn to redefine masculinity “the things that enable women will make it possible for men to have the relationships they want with children, women and other men.”
Kimmel is presently working on a new book exploring adolescent masculinity, homophobia and violence.