With a presidential election coming up in a little over a year, political analysts will soon be hard pressed for material. Why is this, you might wonder. You see, since it will soon be time for people to vote, the issues that matter most for the wellbeing of this country will be cast aside. The politicians that are supposedly out to solve them are all about to dig themselves into the ground for their election year hibernation. This happens because an experienced politician would never dare risk losing the vote of either extreme side of any conflict, so instead they ignore or divert debates from these slumbering issues any way they can.
Let us use the gun control issue as an example. If a candidate voices support for gun control, he or she alienates all gun-toting, NRA nut voters (a disturbingly large percentage). If a candidate supports the goal of striking down all gun control bills, he or she alienates the tree-hugging liberal vote (a percentage seemingly smaller than the NRA, but still considerable). Look mom! I can discriminate equally against both political wings!
Alienating any large amount of votes like that is bad. Therefore, politicians ignore the big issues in favor of rambling about the importance of religion, family, and “the sanctity of marriage.” While this is indeed something for political analysts to discuss, it is unfortunately nothing new. Political analysts should not be able to skate by rehashing the same things every four years, now should they? No, they should not, for the political arena is not a soap opera! Really…. Ok, so it is a soap opera, and I crack myself up like a suicidal egg.
From now until Bush’s next (and perhaps final) state of the union address, political analysts may as well take a long vacation. Unless a politician actually grows a spine (which is wishful thinking) and decides to truly address a vital issue, analyst will have nothing new to discuss. Nice weather we are having!
This is a very sad time of year to be a political analyst. After all, we spend so much time analyzing the problems with society that it has become a challenge to enjoy those rare positive aspects (which are all that is left once the bad ones go into hiding for a year). Support your local political analyst: give the gift of Prozac.
For now, I wait, poised like a tiger preparing to strike, should a politician wander into my territory. I cross my fingers and plead for uniform spinal growth all across the political spectrum, even though I know this election year will be the same as the last.
Anybody up for a game of Scrabble? Chess? Candy Land? Come on! I’m bored.
Dan Goldstein can be contacted at [email protected]