If the economy weren’t in such poor shape right now (no matter how many times Bush’s cabinet tells you that it isn’t) I’d bet good money that there are significantly more Americans who can name the first and second placers from the first two seasons of “American Idol” than could name that same number (two, for those not paying attention) of politicians declaring their candidacy for president in next year’s election. It’s not like knowing the names of these candidates is important or anything, right? I mean, honestly, do you think anybody stands a chance against President Bush’s reelection campaign (complete with special effects crew)?
Even if nobody has a chance of putting a dent in Bush’s approval rating, it is vitally important for each and every one of us to familiarize ourselves with all our options. The American President is not just a movie with Michael Douglas in it; it is the most powerful office in the world. The president has access to “the button”, and depending on the particular president’s character, they can even spruce up the image of the nuclear Armageddon caused by “the button” with flashy icons and catchy nicknames! Pretty cool, eh? I for one don’t think so, but unfortunately, this seems to be the only way to get the general populace to pay attention to the goings-on in politics today: dressing it up like a freaking soap opera or treating it like a pay-per-view sports extravaganza. Soon they’ll be sending cheerleaders, makeup artists and sound technicians off to war right beside the soldiers, all to come home in similar fashion: in plush or velvet coffins as opposed to the drab, old fashioned pinewood. I’m thinking pastels!
Seriously, American politics are in disgusting shape. Voter turnout shrinks by the year as homicide rates, the deficit and etc (you know; the big issues that most politicians ignore) grow like some monster from a Japanese film. How can this situation ever be rectified? Many have tackled this conundrum before (to no results), while I, dear reader, have come to the obvious conclusion in mere minutes of contemplation. The next reality show incarnation:
“WHO WANTS TO BE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?”
Yes; you too could become the next president! All you have to do is survive the first round, consisting of easy political trivia (which should be enough to prevent our having to suffer through a third incarnation of “The Bush White House”) and then sing a few songs in round two! All Americans who are registered to vote can call in during round two and cast their vote! No political experience necessary to compete! No more boring televised debates (a plus for many debate-fearing conservatives)! Campaign finance reform becomes a non-issue! Move over, Reuben! Accepting applications soon!
It’s either this or flipping a coin, since the current voting process isn’t working.
Dan Goldstein can be contacted at [email protected]