In 1987, 500,000 people marched in Washington D. C. for gay and lesbian rights. Since 1987, people all over the country – and the world – have celebrated Oct. 11 as National Coming Out Day. This is a day to celebrate the often joyous, sometimes painful, lifelong, coming out process.
For the members of the GLBT community, coming out means being truthful – or being willing to be truthful – about their sexual orientations and/or gender identities. For me, the choice whether or not to tell people that I am queer is an ongoing one. I am out to most of the people I encounter. Generally, I am willing to be open about my sexual orientation, but sometimes – with the clerk at the convenience store, for example – it is irrelevant. It would be silly to introduce myself with, “Hi, I’m Jen. I’m gay.” But daily I make choices whether or not to refer to my girlfriend, or to my job at the GLBTQA Center, or to my work with Southern Maine Pride.
Recently, I accompanied my girlfriend on a tour of a prospective, highly desirable apartment. She introduced me to the landlord as her roommate. I smiled and agreed. Later, when we talked about it, she explained that she wasn’t sure how the landlord would react to her “gayness,” and she didn’t want to risk losing the apartment over something so minor.
I had mixed feelings about this choice. Her sexual orientation should be irrelevant to whether or not she would be a good tenant. Portland law is supposed to protect tenants from this kind of discrimination (in buildings of a certain size), but in reality, if a landlord doesn’t want gay people in her building, she can find another reason to deny the tenant. Remaining closeted at this level makes it more likely that she will get the apartment, and throwing someone out of a building because of their perceived orientation is a much bigger deal and less likely to happen.
Conversely, I think it’s important for people to be as out as they can be. Remaining in the closet confirms that queerness is something to be hidden, something secret and shameful. Being out makes people aware of the queerness around them and thus promotes diversity and tolerance.
This is all good in theory. But, as in my girlfriend’s case, being out wasn’t practical or comfortable for her. Each person’s choice depends on his or her individual situation and comfort level; it took me ten years to come out to my father, but other people are open with their loved ones from the moment they know they are queer.
National Coming Out Day is a time to consider the importance of being out, to celebrate those of us who have come out successfully and to respect those who cannot. It is also a day for people to come out as allies, or as people who are supportive of the GLBTQ community. Allies believe in the dignity and respect of all people, and they are willing to stand up in that role. So come out, come out, wherever you are, and celebrate National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11.