At the beginning of the semester, when we here at The Free Press were still registering something resembling normal blood pressure levels and enjoying actual REM sleep, we were going to produce a combined Halloween/Election Day issue. Because this election is scary. Both candidates would have you believe that the entire world is going to blow up if you vote for the other guy. Which, if you stop to think about it, is a misleading and pretty unfair thing to say about anyone.
For one, these guys should have the respect for each other they pretend to have when they shake hands at the debates. They’re both statesmen and they’re both capable people. They should respect each other as such. Secondly, there is a whole government apparatus that ensures that no matter who takes over as president, the big red button does not get pressed unless it’s supposed to, accidentally or otherwise.
I think it would be pretty cool if the general public had a basic kind of respect for the political process as well. Seeing as how we’re creatures who walk upright and have large frontal lobes and how we’ve accomplished incredible things like Apollo 11 and the microwave pizza among others, it seems to me we could have some dignity when it comes to figuring out who gets to drive the car. This seems pretty reasonable to me and it’s also exactly the opposite of what happens in real life.
The anxieties and inadequacies of America have been erupting volcanically over the last six months. Everyone is scared. We have been since 9/11. Everyone is angry. Everyone has someone to blame. Especially the presidential candidates. Their campaign ads only push the bile further up into your throat. You’re just trying to watch South Park and wolves are coming out of the forest to feast on your offspring. Bush’s head is growing horns and his skin is turning red. Kerry’s suit sprouts question marks and he turns into the Joker and he taxes the shit out of you. Each candidate is fixated on turning the other guy into a disaster.
The obvious question, it seems to me, is this: are both of these guys so unappealing on his own merit that he has to go to these lengths with the other guy’s weaknesses? Shouldn’t the guy running to be the most powerful man in the world have a kind of avuncular self-confidence? Is that too much to ask? Can I get a Patrick Stewart up in this place?
The election has boiled down to a Manichaean haunted house as the parties drill into our fears and anxieties to garner votes. But it’s not the politicians’ fault. They are playing a game and they’re playing it well. Just as McDonald’s would go out of business if people lost their appetite for greasy hamburgers and factory farmed chickens with no beaks, politicians would conduct themselves with dignity if that is what the public required of them. We have only ourselves to blame.
The problem is that we actually pay attention to people like Michael Moore and Anne Coulter who, let’s face it, are a couple of assholes. They are the intolerable know-it-all loud-mouths that you avoid at parties because you know you’ll get hollered at and you’ll get angry flecks of spittle in the face while you’re trying to enjoy your hors d’oeuvres. Michael Moore is a deceptive, repugnant fat ass. Michael Moore is Rush Limbaugh with a baseball cap. And, okay, Anne Coultier is skinny and cute, but doesn’t the world have enough hot chicks who like to hear themselves talk too much? I think a lot of people will agree with me here. I rest my case.
Something about the nature of mass media turns this same brand of asshole you avoid in real life into palatable, even sought-after luminaries on the radio, on the movie screen and even in bookstores. The attentive reader knows where I’m going with this. I’m talking about the dumbing-down of America. These people approach politics in a way that appeals to people who enjoy watching people cry and hit each other on the “Jerry Springer Show.” This is all pretty clear and well-worn territory. What I hope I’ve drawn out though, is that there is an alternative and that is to have some goddamned dignity. To refuse to support misleading, partisan media. Like Coultier’s books, “Fahrenheit 9/11” was really bad. It was misleading and it wasn’t even very interesting. We need alternatives.
I’m embarrassed to say that I can’t really present myself as a role model, except that I read all my news at http://news.google.com (which allows you to see the same story written by multiple news outlets) and I refuse to watch people yell at each other on TV about politics. I think that’s a good place to start. You owe it to yourself. I realize the next step is to point out some good media, which I promise to do over the next couple of weeks. I’m already going long here and I need to finish putting together my Halloween costume, which is a red robot. I hope you all have a safe All Hallows Eve. Don’t kill anyone on your way to the polls, even if they are voting for the other guy. It’s not worth it.