A few months ago, a friend of mine went out with an ex-boyfriend, got drunk and when they got back to her place, they had sex. When she told me about it, she was upset because she said she hadn’t really wanted to, but she was really drunk and didn’t know what to do. She said she told him that she didn’t want to but that he kept going. The guy had only had a couple drinks.
I told her that in my opinion it was rape and that she should stay away from that person from then on. When I asked if she was going to do anything, she said no, that she felt it might have been partially her fault.
This kind of situation happens all the time, and what’s sad is that if we were all a little more respectful, it might not. Jim Daniels, manager of the sexual assault programs for the USM Police Department, says those assaulted during their college years are more likely to be assaulted during the first semester of their first year. He said that in the first few months of the year there are a lot of changes going on and people are just settling in, so they might be more vulnerable.
There is also a lot of partying. Daniels said assault that occurs at USM is typically between two people who know each other and there is alcohol involved. The majority of assault is committed by a person known to the victim.
“People need to realize that sexual assault is forcing someone to have sex against their will, whether you know them or not,” said Daniels. This includes any type of physical sexual contact, not just intercourse. One of the most important things that Daniels thought college kids should know is that it is the responsibility of the initiator to make sure the other person wants to keep going.
Also, are they capable of saying no? Are they drunk, conscious, psychologically or physically threatened? Do they know what they need to know about your intentions to make a good decision? One thing everyone should ask themselves before they have sex with another person is “Do I know this person well enough?” What if they have a disease you don’t want? The less a person knows or cares for you, the less they’re going to tell you.
So, maybe my friends’ ex was a little buzzed too and maybe he just wasn’t getting the signals. Or maybe he knew exactly what he was doing and didn’t care. Maybe he suffers from the idea that one thing must lead to another, or that she led him on. For some people sex is a complicated thing, for others it’s fairly black and white. More often than not, I think guys in my age group see it a lot more like the latter. And most women will always make it complicated. Who knows why-I certainly don’t pretend to. But I think that if men and women were a little more thoughtful about their interactions, maybe there would be less assault.