I am the mayor of USM.
Well, on Foursquare at least.
For those unacquainted, Foursquare is a location-based social networking site integrated into Twitter, where users “check-in” through a smartphone app at public places like restaurants, bars and coffee shops. Every time you check in, you get a point. Users who check in the most in a certain place become the “mayor.” You also unlock “badges,” like the “Crunked” badge, bestowed upon those who check in at four different places in one night, and the “School Night” badge, for those who check in after 3 a.m. on a school night. Users can add tips for each location, like “try the nachos,” and “the cute bartender works Friday nights.”
Yeah, it’s unbelievably nerdy.
While my loved ones make fun of me every time I whip out my phone to check in at places like Hilltop Coffee and The Free Press – both places where I am mayor – I find it useful. But in Portland at least, I am clearly in the minority.
While my reign as mayor at USM – and ten other places (just saying) – is purely superficial, in honor of the academic election season, I’d like to lay out my campaign platform as fake mayor of our beloved university. You can take these suggestions just as seriously as my girlfriend does the idea of Foursquare itself, which is to say, not at all.
Make Portland Home – USM needs to shed its Gorham location and market itself as Maine’s premiere urban university. We should sell off the Gorham property and use the money to renovate and modernize Portland’s facilities. USM needs a student center located prominently on the Portland campus, one with offices for student support services and a performing arts center to host national acts (the Roots should be performing at USM, not in Orono).
Fire Everybody – We need to prioritize. Students don’t care about, or need, a slew of vice-presidents and deans. They want inspiring, effective professors and advisers who know what they’re talking about.
?Hit The Streets – The administration has made it clear: while student concerns will be “taken under advisement,” students will not have a seat at the restructuring table. If student government really wanted to be heard, they’d organize 500 students and occupy the president’s office. Action motivates, not forums. On the other hand, outspoken professors need to realize this isn’t their revolution. Student leaders should be inciting protests; faculty should support them if they’re asked to.
?Make More Reporters – This would be my pork barrel project. Portland has roughly 1.5 million newspapers and magazines (according to a recent poll by The Portland Press Herald) but the media studies and communication majors offer only a handful of journalism classes. If I could have taken an “Ethics in Journalism” class, it’s unlikely I would have published half the letters I did. The only reason I’m Executive Editor is a) I’m willing to do it, and b) I read the Wall Street Journal and New York Times. The world – and this paper – needs people who can think critically, write well and learn information quickly.
?Free Tuition – No explanation needed.
?Buy Local Everything – The two constant complaints among students are a) parking is a drag, and b) the food is awful. To those who complain about parking, sorry, but no cars will be allowed on my campus (free bikes will provided using your transportation fee). The food problem can be easily fixed: set up the new student center like the old Portland Public Market. Coffee By Design, Scratch Bakery and other local vendors would serve local healthy food at reduced prices.
For more hastily-penned solutions to complex problems, follow me on Twitter at dmacleod1.
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