As winter slowly creeps into Maine and things start to look at little drearier, I sometimes wish I had accepted that full ride badminton scholarship to Pyongyang University In North Korea.
That is, the scholarship I might have been offered if I had just taken those backyard games a little more seriously in my childhood – my grandfather claims I had a heck of a backhand.
The life of gifted badminton player in North Korea, as you might know, is a position of glamour and prestige that rivals that of an “ace” pitcher, go-to running back, or high flying swingman here in the States.
The downside to life in everyone’s favorite Democratic People’s Republic? If you lined the country end-to-end with neighboring Wal-Marts, you would still have a hard time coming up with all the human rights violations dreamed up by Kim Jong-il.
I’ve always been aware of this gross suppression of individual freedom, but it was in readings an account of Kim’s visit to a university soccer game that brought it all home for me.
While taking in a match between Kim Il-sung University and Pyongyang University, Kim decided that the style of long hair many of the male players were sporting was “disgusting”, adding, “I can’t tell if this is men’s soccer or women’s soccer.”
The “Dear Leader” (as he likes to be known) is certainly entitled to his opinion, U.S. politicians in the 60’s and 70’s made no qualms about those “dirty hippies” and their long locks, but Kim took it one, ridiculous step further and soon after the game, notices were posted in workplaces around North Korea banning long hair for men.
This is a man who is not afraid to govern his country to the tiniest detail, and pulls more strings than Trey Parker and Matt Stone did while filming Team America: World Police, the all-marionette action movie that showed us the plusher side of Kim.
If follicle enforcement was the worst of Kim’s decrees, the country would just be a laughably backwards stalwart of outdated communist ideals, like M*A*S*H* had led me to believe. Unfortunately, it gets a lot worse.
North Korea has officially banned citizens from carrying cell phones, and enforces the rule with public executions of violators, who they worry will spread news of a worsening food crisis. There is also a report that the country plans to launch it’s own cell phone service soon, which will not allow users to place or receive calls from outside the country.
This is a hard and sobering thought for those of us who can hardly escape catching a satirical rip on our own government while browsing the Internet or flipping through T.V.
Democracy hardly seems perfect this time of year; rampant partisanship seems to divide our country into colored regions, and it’s easy to get jaded into thinking that one voice doesn’t matter. But put our situation into a slightly more international context, and you might start to understand the incredible power each of us (18 years and older) holds over the policy and direction of our country.
So please vote, because the only thing worse than a government-mandated haircut is losing your cell phone privileges – and possibly death.
Thanks for reading,
Matt Dodge