I was ten years old when I realized I liked girls. I thought liking girls was impossible. Homosexuality was a topic that I never pondered or even overheard grown-ups talking about when I was a kid.
During the late summer of my soon to be third grade year in grammar school, I walked into a thrift store with my Mom to get my yearly supply of stonewashed jeans and overly worn t-shirts. While in the checkout line I met an extremely tall and overtly friendly woman named Carol. Carol wore a short plaid dress, a beret, and had stiletto hells yet had extremely hairy legs.
My life changed when I looked at those hairy legs. Carol had a very deep husky voice, which I listened to intently as she first talked to me and then leaned in closely to talk to the male cashier. I was very perplexed so I asked my mom,
“Why does that lady have such hairy legs?” She replied casually, “Because she is not a lady.”
It was in that year after meeting Carol randomly in the thrift store that I began to question my sexuality and the idea of transcending a gender.
If Carol was flirting with the cashier then theoretically that means that two men can flirt? The idea astounded yet fascinated me at the same time. I had a type of subconscious epiphany, and as years drifted by I began to get more comfortable with my sexuality and I realized that maybe looking at my female peers in a non-passive way wasn’t bad even though the American culture I grew up in said otherwise. If Carol wasn’t afraid to go out to thrift stores wearing dresses then why should I be afraid to look at girls?
But it was much harder going into high school with that type of outlook, for I was one of three people in the entire school who was completely out. It was difficult living life when you had to wake up with the anxiety that one of your peers or teachers would make an obnoxious remark about your sexuality.
Before my eagerly anticipated arrival to the USM and Robie-Andrews experience, I was anxious to see what type (if any) of GLBT community there was. I did not want to be the token gay friend any longer, nor a part of a one percent minority like in my high school. After my first day at USM I realized that there were more out gay people that lived on my floor than there had been in my entire high school. Complete with rainbow-colored Safe Zone stickers on many of the doors of USM, I felt safe and acknowledged as I’ve never felt before.
I soon discovered the plentiful amount of resources at USM including the GLBTQA Center, Alliance for Sexuality and Gender Diversity, and the open-mindedness of Health Services. Being gay and living on campus became less and less of an anxiety everyday because of various GLBTQA programming and specific gay and lesbian faculty members who served as mentors for me and my like-minded peers. Your world is whom you surround yourself with; if you purposefully surround yourself with open-minded individuals then you will have a more positive vision of the GLBTQA community in the residence halls.
Personally, living in the residence halls has been a perpetually easy task and I have yet to be the victim of a hate crime. Now, I have a transgendered roommate (like Carol) and I am still mystified with respect and admiration after all these years of the beauty and bravery transgendered people have. Proclaim who you are, do not be afraid. There is an abundance of resources and people you can get support from at USM.
Now I am 21 years old, I still shop at thrift stores and like girls. Yet one thing is different. I have finally realized that I am at a place in my life right now where I can be accepted regardless of my sexuality because of the support of students and faculty at USM.