My brilliant computer technician friend Ben had emailed me from his hub in oh so trendy Boston complaining about his lack of vision and goals. He had just completed the Boston marathon after recovering from a bout of gangrenous appendix. Just two months prior to running he was treated for his ailment on the operating table. With the completion of the race he was at a loss for his next grand adventure.
“This guy is crazy!” I’m thinking. He attacks one of the most coveted marathons with nearly no training when his stitches have barely healed and he’s asking me to provide him with his next worthwhile mission! He’s the focused one.
He went from the rural Arundel, Maine boy to the hip tango-stepping Bostonite, graduated from Rochester Institute of Technology in the desired four years and travelled extensively.
I’ve got nothing on this kid, right. I’ve barely been outside the country, am nothing close to a sophistocated city dweller and might (BIG MIGHT) complete my degree in seven years .
And he’s asking me for advice. So I ponder, because when people look to accomplish a mission, its underlying motive is usually some kind of self-improvement. So, ok, that I know lots about. My self-improvement list is so long that I’ve given up adding to it. There’s no possible way that I’ll see it through to the end (not to say that I won’t make an honest Abe effort). But, there’s not enough time in one life to iron out the wrinkles in the garments that I’m outfitted with.
Prepared to boldly dispense my wisdom I suddenly falter, realizing the disparity in our achievements. I feel like, given his accomplishments I have nothing of value to offer him in the way of advice. So shrinking back into my weathered shell of uncertainty I begin to compare myself to not only my seemingly enormously successful friend but to others around me. Soon I fear, as I step into the position of executive editor of the Free Press, others will compare me as well.
Compare me to Elise, compare me to what came before. This is an undesirable situation. It’s comparable to the fear of a new love interest comparing you to a former love interest. It is an unattainable goal…to be like somebody else.
Recently one of my wise women ( I surround myself with wise men also, but usually they’re more of the wise ass persuasion) suggested that my thought processes such as these have the potential to create barriers in my accomplishments.
This was an alarming thought because though I may not have accomplished what dear Ben has, I have never failed at something that I cared about.
These self deprecating thoughts linger still though and I struggle to “exoooorciiize the demons”(done in a high pitched preachy voice) as an old friend of mine would urge me to do when I would start to come undone.
So my wise woman counseled me to actively seek my voice and create my vision without measuring myself against somebody else’s accomplishments. This I’ve heard from everybody I have sought advice from.
“There are so many possibilities and opportunities and it’s all up to you. Don’t let anybody tell you how to do things. Do them your way” one of the 31st student senators advised.
I believe we all eventually are presented with an opportunity to forge and solidify our “ways.”I believe the Free Press is presenting me with mine.