Domestic violence within the GLBT community is an important yet closeted issue because of the lack of tangible resources and the onslaught of the power and control these relationships may have.
One in four GLBT people is battered by a partner both emotionally and physically at some point in their life. It is an important issue faced in relationships in the GLBT community as well as the heterosexual community. There are many fears and myths circulating around this controversial topic, here are some common thought patterns and answers:
Myth #1 There is no gender inequality in a same-sex relationship so it must be mutual abuse.
Battering is never mutual. By definition, one partner is using power to control their partner. Although the battered partner may fight back, there is a difference between self-defense and battering.
Myth #2 Women are safe and women-only space is safe because we don’t batter each other.
Women have been killed by there female partners. Using the exclusion of men as the primary guarantee of safety creates a false sense of security. Women abused by other women may not be safe because their abuser can come and go without question. This also ignores the ways in which women of dominant groups abuse other women through oppression.
Myth #3. It is easier for gay, bisexual or transgender men to leave abusive relationships.
GBT men may have a more difficult time because of society’s perception is that men are supposed to take care of themselves, they are supposed to “roll with the punches,” and the way for men to deal with situations is through violence. This may make it harder for a man to recognize domestic violence in his relationship; in addition there are very few services for GBT male survivors.
Myth #4. The partner who is bigger/stronger is the batterer
Battering is about control, not size, strength, or who is “butch” or more “masculine.” For many in the GLBT community, there are certain stereotypes of the “butch/femme” relationship in which the “butch” individual is more capable of doing so. On the contrary, the level of butch/femme energy can be widely dispersed in a relationship of this magnitude, and the partner who has the illusion of being more feminine than the could be the abuser as well.
Physical abuse is only one half of the domestic violence some GLBT people face. The other half is emotional. In some GLBT relationships, one of the partners may not be “out” in the community. Emotionally, one usually goes through a type of catharsis and emotional growing until they come out of the closet. The already-out partner may use that against the other by threatening to “out” them to there family, friends, or co-workers.
Therein lies a deep-seated fear because although it is a very positive thing that people are out as there own type of sexual orientation, some people are in a situation where it may be dangerous to do so. Also, for bisexuals and transgender individuals who are in these emotionally battering relationships, they may encounter that there partner could question the validity of there own gender of sexual expression.
What it comes down to is the fact that one’s own gender and sexual expression is a very personal, private thing that may change everyday, or has never changed. When one questions its validity, they are using there power to question not only the truth in what there partner knows to be true, but also the personal right to there own manifestations.