I know that many of you have heard Jerry Falwell and others speak of the “Homosexual Agenda” and the “Homosexual Lifestyle.” But no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:
6 a.m.–Gym
8 a.m.–Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
9 a.m.–Hair appointment
10 a.m.–Shopping
12 p.m.–Brunch
2 p.m —
1) Assume complete control of the U.S. federal, state and local governments, as well as all other national governments;
2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle;
3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages;
4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels;
5) Establish planetary chain of homo-breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially-impregnated baby factories to produce love slaves for our devotedly promiscuous gay leadership;
6) Bulldoze all houses of worship; and,
7) Secure total control of the internet and all mass media for the exclusive use of increasing Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Whatever visibility on small college campuses across America
2:30 p.m.–Get 40 winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest
4 p.m.–Cocktails
6 p.m.–Light dinner (soup, salad, with chardonnay)
8 p.m.–Theatre
11 p.m.–Bed (du jour)
Hope this clears up all confusion.
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