Listen up! There’s a new food critic on the prowl.
I’m after your hoagies, your nachos, your soups, your steaks, your mashed potatoes, your mother’s barbecue chicken and your family’s famous marinades. Yes, give it all to me in a disgusting orgy of food. I want this city to turn me into a ravenous glutton reminiscent of Ignatious J. Reilly!
I wanna be fat, Portland chefs-really fat. So feed me.
It is with this intention that I set out. In downtown Portland, where a snowy Saturday in April sets the stage for my first dip into the critical arena, the jaunt away from cabin fever begins.
I meet a man in my travels who summed up the storm better than any meteorologist when he said, “This is your last shot to get all your gripes about winter out. Tomorrow it will be too late.”
I suppose Bull Feeney’s is feeling the same way, because the sidewalk sign is in celebration of our new season. “Think Spring! Coors Light $2.” Their spirit wins me over, so I stop in.
An Allagash White appears in my hand with a matching beer glass. “Classy,” I think to myself. Bull Feeney’s is the only bar in town that follows the tradition of matching a glass to its tap. The theory is that a particular glass will draw out a beer’s flavor.
With that settled, I turn my attention to the rumble down below. My tummy is entirely distraught and uncomfortable from not eating all day. Easy, friend. Menu please!
I guess this place is Irish! After I wade through bangers, mash and cabbage in a variety of places, I feel strongly that I need to fight the falling snow head-on with my entr?e, so I challenged Maine winter with a little Downeast cookin’. The menu claims that their fish and chips are the “best in Maine!”
Owner Doug Fuss backs it up, too. He’s outfitted the menu lineup to include dishes ranging from traditional Irish fare right down to burgers. Seafood selections are prominent on the menu as well. Prices range from about $7.95 to $10.95 at lunch and $7.95 to $21.95 for dinner entrees. If you’re lucky, you’ll get the table right next to the wood stove. Don’t worry if you don’t, though–there are two other stoves upstairs.
The restaurant is spaciously deceiving until you walk around. There are two whiskey rooms upstairs, and on weekends the Harbor View Bar Room and the Yeats Room are open. That makes enough space for two bands to play, which happens ’round these parts every Friday and Saturday night. A pretty classy space with period charm, the upstairs is also available for private functions.
Back downstairs: food’s ready.
Sweet potato fries? Yes, please. This is not your typical French fry. It is a little softer and a bunch sweeter. The sugar caramelizes so the outside is a chewy-crispy and the inside is a firm-gooey. Not something you find on every corner. The coleslaw is a little bland but, oh! the fish! How delicious!
It is indeed the batter that sets one fish fry apart from another. Bull Feeney’s nails it. The batter is golden and crunchy; it’s salty and actually kind of buttery, too. The hearty portion is enough to fill me, with tender and juicy fish left on the plate. Top shelf.
The final word: you know the feeling that you get after you eat a good meal–sluggish, full and relaxed? Go to Bull Feeney’s if you want to leave feeling like that. Their vast space remains intimate because of the attention to detail in vintage style, and I give ambiance an eight. The food was ambitious and a head above average: also an eight. And the un-“Bull”-ievable service gets a nine. The composite score for Bull Feeney’s is a nine.
Joe Reynolds can be contacted at [email protected].