I never thought I could be disappointed in a movie featuring George Clooney. “The Men Who Stare At Goats” has proven otherwise. It presents the dullest, most random series of disjointed events imaginable. It’s as boring as watching two people cross an endless desert. Scratch that: the film is actually about two guys walking across a desert.
The film follows and is narrated by Bob Wilton( Ewan Mcgregor), a reporter looking for a story amid the disasters of the Iraq War. He thinks he hit a gold mine when he meets Lyn Cassady ( George Clooney), a former member of a paranormal battalion from the Vietnam War. What ensues is a great plotless heap that leads the viewer into their own boring, endless desert of annoyance.
The film is overly narrated. If you want to read a newspaper, pick up a free copy of The Free Press. Don’t spend $9 to hear McGregor explain the events happening on screen with all of the dryness of a financial news report. It’s just redundant. Don’t we learn to avoid this kind of thing in Creative Writing 101? Turns out, lots of highly narrated flashbacks are not so entertaining.
There seems to be something important missing from this comedy: jokes. The theater was pretty much silent for the entirety of the film. There were a few chuckle moments, but there are only so many times you can use a Star Wars reference before it stops being amusing. It seems the writers set themselves up for multiple jokes but failed to remember to add a punch line. The film is also so melodramatic that nothing is surprising. As soon as you think…well the only thing left is for someone to get cancer… there you have it, someone gets cancer. It’s pretty sad when the funniest thing about a comedy is the title.
Finally, when dealing with a subject such as the Iraq War, there are only two directions a film can go and be successful. Either go dramatic (like the upcoming film “Brothers”) or go outlandishly satiric (like “The Daily Show” or “The Colbert Report”). If you fall somewhere in the middle, the film goes nowhere. The war is too recent for a film with seemingly no political implications. If there was supposed to be a clear message from the film, I was hard pressed to find it, and not compelled to dig in the same sand that they most likely buried the punchlines under as well.
To be fair, all the actors played their roles well. I mean, seriously, can George Clooney ever go wrong? Because of the cast, I was actually shocked that the film was such a flop. With such a talented group, director Grant Heslov must have worked pretty hard to make it so awful. Overall, save your money. Don’t see it in theaters. Don’t buy it on DVD. Don’t even rent it. Unless, of course, you just want to stare at Clooney for a while. Then turn off the volume. You’ll probably enjoy it more.
Grade: D+ Rated: R