Maybe I am cheap. The most money I have ever spent on an original piece of fine art is $25. I usually get my fine art for between $5 and $15.
I had an art show at my apartment one time, basically just collages tacked to the wall.
“How much is this one?” My friend Justin asked as he examined a collage.
“$3,” I said.
I watched him shake his head.
“Too much.”
I went to an auction when I was in seventh grade. I was the high bidder on a box of 1960s baseball cards in horrible condition. I mean, some of them were ripped in half and taped back together. I paid seven bucks, which seemed like a lot, and got like, 200 cool cards, which got stolen out of my locker three days later.
It was these experiences that formed my auction and art buying history, until last Friday, when I went to the MECA Art Auction. With a pair of complimentary drinks, I settled into a folding chair among a buzzing hive of energetic art patrons in the Lehmann Gallery. The night opened with the president of MECA delivering some tepid Red Sox humor during her introductory monolouge. It’s interesting how people in the art world will sometimes align themselves with other established institutions such as religion or sports to help them bridge a communication void. Anyway, soon, the auctioneer, was on the mic, opening bids for art at $500, $1000. $2000. Student volunteers held the art above them, as it was auctioned, and I could see the pieces actually becoming more valuable in their hands as the bids escalated.
The auctioneer was amplified by a system that sounded worse than Skelator’s Snake Mountain toy microphone. Despite this, the auctioneer was amazing. He was the best auctioneer I have ever seen. He could have sold hot dogs to an orthodoxed jew. People opened their wallets and he emptied them.
On a piece that would have been a rip-off for $30 at the Nun Shop, I accidentally bid $2200 when an exaggerated complimentary-brewski-swilling arm motion caught the eye of the auctioneer. Luckily I was outbid by a woman in the back row whose elaborate facial twitches were mistaken for bids.
In an evening of friendly competition, people with money piled mountains of it at the altar of art. Overall, the auction was able to pick tens of thousands of dollars from the pockets of drunk art patrons. This is good news for students, who will be able to apply for scholarships thanks to this royal swindle.