Category: Perspectives

This Column is Funny is a weekly look at the least important parts of college life. Every decade or so, we are faced, as a generation, with a gravely important issue. When our parents were in college, they had to take sides and stand up for their beliefs on everything from the Civil Rights movement to the Vietnam War, the Watergate scandal to the Cold War.

A grammar lesson My name is Catherine and I’m crazy nuts about correct grammar and spelling. I don’t understand how something like ‘lawLaw enforcement’ can make it through a spell check. I graduated from USM as an English major and find this sort of thing in my school’s paper a little embarrassing.

My age, 23, puts me at 18 when the planes hit the twin towers. While I watched the them burning on television my father called me. “When they call you [for the draft], join the Navy,” he said, because it seemed so sure that the entire world would soon be at war.

Sometimes I am encouraged by perceived progress in our State department’s relationship to the great ‘otherness’ that is the rest of the world. The relaxing of sanctions imposed on Libya, a commitment to dialogue with North Korea (DPRK), good relations with China and Russia are but a few examples of this trend.

Alex Steed

Columnist

Today I am wearing the shirt that I was supposed to buy with the store credit card I’ve been told to use to build credit with which I am to buy a car then a house. But, I’ve spent all this morning worrying that the collar looks funny.

If you love Sublime, Badfish, tribute bands or art in general, I highly recommend you read Josh Schlesinger’s article “Badfish: Appropriate Name,” which appears in this week’s A&E section. In this article, Josh makes a fascinating “if…then…” statement: “if music is synonymous with art and art is synonymous with originality then…” You can read the conclusion of the quote in his article.

Dana Artz Free food is one of the perks of being a waitress. When the kitchen cooks the wrong order, I consider it my moral responsibility to grab a few harried forkfuls between waiting tables. It seems criminal to throw out a slightly salty lobster bisque.

Name: Shana Maynard Major: Biology Year: Junior Hometown: East Fairfield, VT Age: 21 How did you become Athlete of the Month? I was here every day and all the nice people here voted for me. How has Athlete of the Month changed your life? It got me this interview.

Question: How much did you spend to fill your car this week? Joe Reynolds English (with a minor in Labor Studies) Senior Not a penny. It’s a tax write-off. Sara Goodhue French Senior It was about 10 gallons and cost me 27-something. Rob Ellis Political Science Freshman I have a car, but I don’t use it for the simple reason of gas prices.

Rather than just looking at the sky for some insight into your week, I, Lemma Luciferous, perform a single card tarot reading each week to see what challenges and blessings are approaching you during your journey through life.

r: retrograde, inverse

 On top of your game

 Things are going well

 Average week

 You have some work to do

 Time to reevaluate your game plan

Aries (8 of Cups): Your standing on the lake of the Cosmic Consciousness this week.

AMANDA BLAKE

GUEST COLUMNIST, FROM THE

STUDENT SENATE

Student involvement at USM has greatly improved in the last two years. Four years ago the events that took place on campus were unattended, USM sports teams had little to no support from students and involvement in student government was less than desirable.

JOSEPH R. THOMPSON

EXECUTIVE EDITOR

Sitting on the shuttle to Gorham last week, I got to hear the greatest phone conversation with memorable lines like “yeah, a bacon cheeseburger would be great for dinner,” and “I couldn’t stop it, so I joined in.” I haven’t any clue what “it” was, but I bet “it” had nothing to do with a burger.

Sarah Wolpow

Guest Columnist for

FootPrint

Twelve months of struggling to maneuver our hefty baby girl into the back of our two-door car finally convinced us it was time for a more practical vehicle. Agreeing on a car with four doors was easy; after that our opinions diverged.

Welcome to a place where students, faculty and staff can find candid answers to all those things about sex that they never dared to ask. – Do women have squirting orgasms? -A Gushing Student Dear AGS: To be blunt, yes. Women are capable of ejaculating during orgasms more times and in great enough volume to put the horniest high school boy to shame.

Aries (7 of Swords): Child of the universe, trying on your

elders responsibilities; why? Pushing your boundaries is fun and

essential to growth, but so is taking the time to enjoy where you are

in your life. This is not the moment to be taking on responsibilities

that you aren’t ready to deal with.

On Tuesday, around 3 p.m., I come up with a plan. Some people might call it a stupid idea. Nonetheless, the search for a partner begins.

By 8 p.m., the search was over.

Nighttime is not the time to be outside. Look in any hiking or climbing how-to book and one of the first rules they declare is invariably “be back in camp by dark” or “in case of emergency, carry a headlamp.

Greek life at USM is still flourishing; Phi Kappa Sigma can prove it. While many people may think only of “Animal House” and “Old School” when the word “fraternity” is brought up in a conversation, those affiliated with Greek life think otherwise. Phi Kappa Sigma, one of four fraternities and one of eight Greek chapters here at the USM campus has and continues to break down those barriers in a multitude of ways.

Joining student teams from nine other Maine and Eastern Canadian colleges and universities, Laura Smith, Mark Tanguay, Abby Ahearn, Amanda Starkey (all Criminology majors) and Sarah Ferriter (Environmental Science), attended an invitation-only, all-expenses paid conference hosted by Colby College April 2-3.

I never met Lavinia Gelineau. But like many people at USM, I won’t soon forget her. She is a fallen princess, sacrificed at the crossroads of two great iniquities of our era: war and domestic violence. Her short life passed through ours like a tornado over a tidy suburban house, laying bare the hidden sicknesses all around us and demanding that something be done.

Name: Danielle Pflanzer Major: Grad student in the nurse practitioner program Age: Undisclosed Where are you from? Texas Where did you get your RN? In Texas, that’s where I got my undergrad in 1998. I have about a year and a half left. But most of the classroom part is finished.

USM has recently purchased the blue trailer that sits atop a building near the library in Portland: what do you think we should do with it? Morgan Kinney Junior “I think USM should give it to the homeless.” Tracey Mannard Senior “USM should use the trailer as a jail for all the people who use class time to express their personal political views.

Words & Images started as a small publication, taking submissions from University students and being distributed campus wide. It has grown into taking national submissions and is being distributed in bookstores: large chains like Borders to and independent stores such as Casco Bay Books, as far south as Boston.

To spice up your April days…

Okay, so it’s not exactly around town (or at least not around Portland), but the Kinsey Sicks dragapella beauty-shop quartet frankly sounds too good to miss. Based out of San Francisco, the quartet boasts “award winning a cappella singing, sharp satire and over-the-top drag,” according to their website.