Saturday, January 19th, 2019

Curmudgeon Chronicle: “I’m suffering from Senioritis”

Posted on April 19, 2016 in Perspectives
By Brian Gordon

I’m suffering from an acute case of ‘senioritis,’ or ‘I don’t give a crap about anything school related.’  My new interests include napping, wanking, pouring excessive amounts of beer and whiskey into my body and watching six hours of 30 Rock straight. I could give a hoot about any of my classes. I just want to get the hell out of Dodge as quick as possible.

The tediousness of doing homework, writing papers, and showing up for class has left me drained. I haven’t read a decent novel in months; I haven’t  seen a movie in a theater since I can’t remember when; and my sole aim when I go out is to destroy with booze what I learned in class during the week. I yearn for the freedom from the school day drudgery. I long for summer, for swimming every day, hiking mountains, having bbq’s, drinking beer outside and not answering to anyone. Ah the good life.

I’m not alone in my senioritis. Look around your classes, and chances are people are skipping more. Eyes are glazed over, with vacant brains lying behind them. Boredom lurks in every classroom. What was once interesting, the senior now finds dull. I’ve started to figure how many assignments I can skip and still manage to graduate. A grade of D- still counts as passing for your core classes. Sure it’ll demolish your GPA., but who cares? Once you pass through the hallowed halls of USM no one gives a crap about your GPA. No one will ask you at your job interviews what you scored in your science exploration class. So maybe it is a good time to ease up on the gas and stop killing ourselves with homework.

How you 22 year olds have made it through this much school without losing your gourd is beyond me. Aren’t you ready for a break? And I don’t mean jumping straight into a job. That’s just more tasks, more slaving away for minimal results. I mean actual thinking for yourself, deciding what you want to do when you want to do it. When the sun goes down and we go home from school or our jobs we’re still the same schmo — we need to figure out how to live fulfilling lives without merely being yes men. As my man Dylan said, “Twenty years of schoolin’ and they put you on the day shift, look out kids they keep it all hid.”

I feel like I’ve proved myself as a student by now. I don’t really care to do any more tedious assignments. How much longer can I drag out a mere thought for three pages? Who am I fooling at this point by looking up synonyms and simply reiterating the same junk? My chips are cashed in and I’m heading for the parking lot. I’m a big man on campus, slayed my share of freshmen and now I’m ready to take this sideshow on the road.

The only cure for senioritis is the cap and gown and for me, blowing this pop stand. The end is nigh – one month to go, we’re almost there. See ya at graduation.

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