Thursday, October 19th, 2017

Holographic anvil strikes obnoxious student on head

Posted on October 03, 2011 in Henry's Head, Perspectives
By Andrew Henry

I can almost guarantee that everyone who is reading this has been in a classroom. You sit in a chair, take out your notebook or computer, write your notes for the allotted class time and then you’re out of there. Whether you thoroughly enjoy a class or not, it’s safe to say that it’s a fairly monotonous task. Well my friends, that won’t be the case in the future.

When test time comes, you need to review the notes you took in class, which means going over the copies on your laptop or in your notebook. In the future, you won’t even have to study — everyone will have multi-terabyte microchips implanted into their brain that wirelessly link to any capable device. The notes that you took on your laptop, because everyone will use laptops in the future (notebooks are SO 21st century) will be compressed into hard data and stored like learned material in your brain. What’s that? How will we be evaluated, you ask? Speed tests. Anyone who can complete the test in under 10 minutes will be given an A. And 20 minutes is a B, 30 a C and so on. You still get to take your own notes which still makes the learning experience personalized.

Another advantage, for the professors, is that they won’t have to be in class to teach. The professor will be able to project a hologram of himself/herself into the classroom, because every classroom will have built-in hologram projectors. The professor can pick the outfit for the hologram, and personalize it, no matter what the actual person is wearing. That’s right: you could teach in your underwear in the TV room, but project yourself wearing a suit. The hologram will be a mirror of the real professor, copying any action s/he does. This also works if a student is sick or wants to do home-schooling. They don’t go to the campus; instead they project a hologram of themselves into the classroom.

The biggest advancement in future classroom learning will come in the form of “Interactive Virtual Reality Learning.” IVRL is a virtual reality version of whatever lesson is being taught, and the interactive part involves the student.

For example, take 1980’s “Miracle on Ice” Olympic hockey game between the USA and the USSR. IVRL creates the virtual experience of that hockey game — but in order to see USA achieve glorious victory, the student will have to correctly answer the question that pops up on the virtual answer board. Choose wrong, and the simulator creates a scene where the USSR wins instead. It’s so life-like, you won’t know the difference until you’re out of the program. This could be recreated with something more recent, such as the current presidential election, and choosing the wrong answer would show Michele Bachmann winning the presidency. If that’s not an incentive to learn, I don’t know what is.

One of the most important aspects of class today, and sometimes most irritating, is interacting with other classmates. In just about every class, there’s that person who really gets on your nerves. The future holds the perfect solution. Is the annoying person in your poetry class audibly reciting every poem that the professor simultaneously reads? Does that person like to put on a “joyous” little show while doing so? Then slap a virtual muzzle on them! Each student can view a hologram of the other students, and in doing so, can mute them or modify them in whatever way they please. Hell, drop an anvil on them! Now you can silence the person who is ruining the class for you, all in pixelated glory!

The future holds so much in store for college campuses across the nation, and I can’t wait to see what unfolds. This is assuming that Skynet hasn’t taken over the world by then.

  • Mattarnett21

    What if Arnold does’t get a neural implant and Skynet prevails?