Melissa Birth





Where are you from?

I’m originally from central Maine, but I consider myself from Portland.

Why did you choose USM?

Money restrictions. But I think USM is a great school now that I’m here.

If you were supreme being of all that is USM, what would you do to make life better for the USM student?

Change the catering service.

What is your worst dating experience?

This isn’t really a dating experience, but the first time a guy kissed me I was in seventh grade and we were at a make-out party. That was on Friday and I was kind of gushing the whole weekend because I thought he was cute. But when I came back to school on Monday, he had told the entire school that my mustache tickled when we kissed. I was mortified. I took three days off school.

College: educational enrichment or four-year party?

Definitely enrichment. A four-year party isn’t worth taking out loans for.

What is the most significant thing that you have learned here?

Not having a car isn’t so bad after all.

What do you do when you are not at USM?

I go to house parties because I can’t go to bars and sit around and listen to music.

How does your major and educational direction compare to your childhood aspirations?

I wanted to be a doctor when I was little. When I started at USM, I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t want to take that much math so I thought I’d take nursing and then go to P.A. school. Which is pretty much the same.

Favorite album?

It changes day to day, but for now: Bad Religion, “Against the Grain.”

Favorite movie?

“Dr. Strangelove.”

Do you feel that political correctness at USM is out of hand or needs more enforcement? Explain?

Granted I’m not the member of any sort of minority, I think it’s fine. But my perspective might change a little were I the member of a minority.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Hairs in the sink.

To where would you like to travel and why?

To someplace that’s so different from the U.S. in every way that it would change my life. There’s lots of places like that which is why I don’t give one answer.

If you could say one sentence to George W., what would it be?

Convert to Buddhism.

There is a man-eating cow around a prison. Three inmates escape and one is eaten by the cow. In turn, the other two inmates eat the cow … is this cannibalism? Why or why not?

I don’t much believe in cow-eating to begin with but I guess if the prisoners were really hungry than no. They probably eat Aramark too so I wouldn’t blame them. Aramark does cater for prisons.


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